October Winds
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Paige reflects on the loss of Henry. Lyrics by Cara Dillon


October Winds

_When you feel so tired of trying.__  
__When you ask, and no one knows.__  
__When your heart is tired of fighting.__  
__And when you feel like letting go._

Paige stared out through the windshield, raining splattering violently against the glass. It was a miserable day all around. The weather was depressing and that only heightened Paige's melancholy. She was presently on her way to spend some much needed time with her sisters, no children around. As she brought the car to a halt at a red light, the whitelighter and mother of three wiped salty tears from her flushed cheeks. What was she thinking, driving in the rain while crying her eyes out? Well obviously she wasn't thinking. The light changed and she pressed down on the gas, zooming on down the rain soaked street until she reached the Halliwell Manor. She raced from her car to the front door as quickly as she could, still getting drenched. Fumbling in her purse, she finally found the key and unlocked the door.

"Hello?" she called out. The house was quiet, which was a rarity these days with 9 kids running around it most days.

"Paige?" Phoebe's voice rang out from the sun room. With a tired sigh, Paige orbed into the sun room. Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Coop were seated in whicker chairs, playing what appeared to be Monopoly. Paige's heart ached to see her sisters and brother-in-laws together, happy and healthy.

"You want to play?" Leo offered.

"You can be the top hat."

"No that's ok," Paige answered softly, fighting off tears.

"Guys, can you take the kids for a while?" Piper asked.

"We're having sister time. Girls day in," Phoebe added. Leo looked puzzled.

"Of course sweetheart," Coop interjected, grabbing his brother-in-law by the sleeve and teleporting out.

Paige collapsed onto the couch, still trying to fight her tears. Piper took a seat on her right, Phoebe on the left and cradled their baby sister.

"It's ok sweetie. You can cry. Just let it all out," Phoebe murmured, rubbing Paige's back

"Henry was always the top hat," the whitelighter sobbed. It seemed a silly thing to say but she couldn't help but say it.

"It's not fair," she continued, her nosing dripping.

"No honey. No it's not," Piper whispered, trying to console her weeping sibling.

The sisters lapsed into silence, only punctuated by Paige's sobs. Piper rocked her baby sister back and forth, trying to calm her down. She was mentally berating Leo for being so insensitive to Paige's situation. Over at Phoebe and Coop's, Coop was reading Leo the riot act, as it were.

"What did I say to set her off?" Leo asked with a shrug as Coop finished handing out sodas.

"Whenever we all played Monopoly, Henry was the top hat," Coop said, looking a bit annoyed at Leo. For a former whitelighter, he wasn't doing such a stellar job of remembering.

"Oh...oh God. She's going to hate me," Leo gasped.

"She won't hate you. It's just a tough time of year right now. The one year anniversary," Coop murmured, patting his brother-in-law on the shoulder.

"Yeah. Hopefully Phoebe and Piper can help her through it," Leo murmured, gazing out the rain-soaked kitchen window.

_Well these days have lost their meaning.__  
__And these nights can feel so cold.__  
__Endless days not ever knowing.__  
__What is all this suffering for?_

"I just miss him so much," Paige gasped, wiping at her eyes.

"I know you do. We all miss him," Piper assured her.

"And, Paige you can't blame yourself," Phoebe added quickly, stemming off her sister's self-blame.

"Yes it is. I couldn't save him," Paige spat, close to tears once more.

"You tried your hardest sweetie. That's all anyone could do," Piper interjected.

"He saved the kids. He was trying to protect them and he did," Phoebe commented, trying to find a bright side.

"It just hurts. I don't see why the Elders couldn't a least make him a whitelighter. He deserved it," Paige spat, hatred for the beings above shining through like a summer day.

"They should have done that. But they are selfish," Phoebe muttered darkly.

"I keep asking him why he can't come back to me when I visit him, you know," Paige spoke, her voice a little stronger. Her sisters nodded.

"I'm beginning to really hate October. It's like I turn around and here it is and he's not here. I hear the wind its like he's whispering but I can't hear what he's saying," Paige whispered sadly.

"It will get easier with time. It won't ever go away but it will get easier," Phoebe assured her.

"Pheebs is right. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Grams or Mom or Prue. But it doesn't hurt so much now with time. You have to remember the good times and not dwell on how it ended," Piper told her, in that famous motherly tone she possessed even when talking to her sisters.

"You're right. I knew there was a reason I liked you two," Paige laughed, smiling for the first time in a long time.

_How long is forever?__  
__If I can't see you anymore.__  
__I miss you most whenever, October winds begins to blow. _

_Take these tears so softly fallen.__  
__Take this love, forever more._


End file.
